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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Commandments
Secretary
Woods
Eight
President
Would
Rosemary
Nixon
Moses
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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