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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Commandments
Secretary
Woods
Eight
President
Would
Rosemary
Nixon
Moses
More quotes by Art Buchwald
No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
