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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Commandments
Secretary
Woods
Eight
President
Would
Rosemary
Nixon
Moses

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald