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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
President
Would
Rosemary
Nixon
Moses
Commandments
Secretary
Woods
Eight

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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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