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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Nixon
Moses
Commandments
Secretary
Woods
Eight
President
Would
Rosemary

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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