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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Week
Millions
Company
Fined
Night
Executive
Three
Nights
School
Traffic
Government
Executives
Million

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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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