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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Would
Page
Suicide
Main
Pages
Concern
York
Contemplated
Times
Obituary
Make
Bipolar
More quotes by Art Buchwald
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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