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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Always
Never
Team
Politics
Political
Light
Wanted
Enough
Make

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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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