Quote

I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

Art Buchwald

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Asleep
Foot
Wine
Taste
Feet
Though
Always
Champagne
Like
Tastes

More quotes by Art Buchwald

Image
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald
Image
The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
Art Buchwald
Image
No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
Art Buchwald
Image
I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
Art Buchwald
Image
Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
Image
If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
Image
The things that matter most are not things.
Art Buchwald
Image
I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
Image
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
Image
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
Image
It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
Image
Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
Image
... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
Image
The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
Image
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
Image
The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
Image
While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
Image
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
Image
Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald
Image
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald