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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Foot
Wine
Taste
Feet
Though
Always
Champagne
Like
Tastes
Asleep

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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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