Quote

The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Enough
Course
Trees
Thickets
Never
Lord
Balls
Vowed
Would
Lost
Somewhere
Searches
Money
Golf
Ivy
Women
Gave
Earned
Reason
Tree
Poison
Thicket
Ever
Feet
Foot
Caddie
Play
Courses
Ball
Caddies

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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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