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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Walks
Powerful
Funny
Quicksand
Nixon
Richard
Witty
Humorous
Worship

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald