Quote

The things that matter most are not things.

Art Buchwald

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Humor
Matter
Things

More quotes by Art Buchwald

Image
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
Image
If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
Art Buchwald
Image
Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
Art Buchwald
Image
I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
Image
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
Art Buchwald
Image
I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
Image
Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald
Image
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
Image
The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
Art Buchwald
Image
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
Art Buchwald
Image
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
Image
... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
Image
The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald
Image
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
Image
If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
Image
While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
Image
I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
Image
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
Image
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
Image
Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald