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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Time
Funnier
Humorists
Easy
Government

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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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