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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Funnier
Humorists
Easy
Government
Time
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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