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The best things in life aren't things.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Things
Aren
Love
Attitude
Humorists
Life
Wise
Tattoo
Happiness
Materialism
Happy
Generosity
Family
Simplicity
Inspirational
Perception
Best
Perspective

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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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