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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Going
Question
Idea
Place
Ideas
Firsts
First
Real

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
Art Buchwald
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
Art Buchwald