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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Firsts
First
Real
Going
Question
Idea
Place
Ideas

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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The best things in life aren't things.
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