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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Idea
Place
Ideas
Firsts
First
Real
Going
Question

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald