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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
United
Buffalo
Everyone
Automobile
Makes
Statistics
States
Accidents
Killed
Americans
Prove
Dangerous
More quotes by Art Buchwald
Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald
I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
Art Buchwald
Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald
Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
Art Buchwald
I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
