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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Prove
Dangerous
United
Buffalo
Everyone
Automobile
Makes
Statistics
States
Accidents
Killed
Americans
More quotes by Art Buchwald
If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
Art Buchwald
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
