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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Members
Enough
Hard
Long
Make
Member
Establishment
Attack

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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