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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Enough
Hard
Long
Make
Member
Establishment
Attack
Members

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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The things that matter most are not things.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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