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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Love
Satire
Life
Recording
World
Anymore
Anger
Relationship
Society
Anything
Make
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
Art Buchwald
