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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
World
Anymore
Anger
Relationship
Society
Anything
Make
Love
Satire
Life
Recording

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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The things that matter most are not things.
Art Buchwald
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
Art Buchwald
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
Art Buchwald
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald