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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Anger
Relationship
Society
Anything
Make
Love
Satire
Life
Recording
World
Anymore

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
Art Buchwald
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald