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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Relationship
Society
Anything
Make
Love
Satire
Life
Recording
World
Anymore
Anger

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
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The best things in life aren't things.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
Art Buchwald
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald