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Conoco will build a $75 million plant to see if a process to convert natural gas to liquid fuel is profitable. It has to be. In California, gasoline is so expensive that people are trying to run their cars on cocaine.
Argus Hamilton
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Argus Hamilton
Age: 54
Comedian
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Oklahoma
Natural
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Gasoline
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More quotes by Argus Hamilton
He called for military supremacy, no welfare and cultural rebirth. It was a nice speech, but it sounded a lot better in its original German.
Argus Hamilton
Michael Moore announced that his next documentary film will attack the health care industry in America. He's not out to get the pharmaceutical companies. He's just looking for something to relieve the redness in the center of the country.
Argus Hamilton
Chinese president Jiang Zemin met with former Bill Clinton in Hong Kong Wednesday. What a contrast. One is a ruthless communist who gains popularity by damaging the United States, while the other guy runs China.
Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton began a New York thank-you tour Friday by calling for the abolition of the Electoral College. No wonder Arkansas never liked her. She hasn't been in office three days and already she's an abolitionist.
Argus Hamilton
Pakistan's ruler Pervez Musharraf predicted the Taliban will fall for hiding Osama bin Laden. Ex-king Zahir Shah is standing by to replace Mullah Mohammed Omar. And the most ominous sign of all, President Bush has learned all their names.
Argus Hamilton
Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike. It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.
Argus Hamilton
Bill and Hillary will spend Easter with her brothers Hugh and Tony and Roger Clinton. They have a family ritual at all holiday dinners. After they sit down, they hold hands, close their eyes, and get their stories straight.
Argus Hamilton
President Obama compared himself to Gandhi and Nelson Mandela in the struggle to bring about change. The comparison is flawed. They spent years in jail before taking political power, while politicians from Chicago do it the other way around.
Argus Hamilton
CIA Director George Tenet briefed a Senate panel ... about the current situation in Iraq. He described how cash was being stolen and women were being assaulted with impunity. Senators love to attend these continuing education seminars.
Argus Hamilton
Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore rescinded the state's European Heritage Month proclamation for fear it would sound racist. It's too bad. Thus ends a month of celebrating the 400-year progression of our nation's British culture from wood to steel to graphite shafts.
Argus Hamilton
President Clinton broke ground Saturday for the World War II memorial in Washington. He'll never have the military's full respect. However, after surviving ten female accusers, he's been made an honorary member of the Tailhook Association.
Argus Hamilton
Barclays Bank in England purchased bankrupt Lehman Brothers Tuesday along with its Manhattan tower, saving nine thousand jobs. It's humiliating. The United States of America is 232 years old and we're having to go to mom for money.
Argus Hamilton
President Bush paid homage Wednesday to World War II veterans of Normandy at the D-Day Memorial. Later that night, his twin daughters paid a special tribute to World War II veterans of the Pacific. They each downed two kamikazes.
Argus Hamilton
The U.S. Army cancelled an order for 600,000 black berets that were made in China. It's not just that they were made by slave laborers. It's that no soldier can feel good about himself wearing headgear from the Kathie Lee Collection.
Argus Hamilton
The Concord Coalition in Virginia complained about pork projects and wasteful spending in the federal budget. Consider the Senate chaplain's salary. As occupations go, only mind readers in Los Angeles have fewer things to do all day.
Argus Hamilton
The Pentagon tested an anti-missile system in New Mexico Wednesday. The test was an incomplete success. While the interceptor was shooting down the incoming missile, three thousand illegal aliens walked right across the border under its nose.
Argus Hamilton
The Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night at Universal City. The best country songs are always about drinking and guns and love gone wrong. Next year they're giving Robert Blake the Lifetime Achievement Award.
Argus Hamilton
President Obama hosted lawmakers Thursday saying he wanted bipartisan input on health care reform. Nobody's mind was changed. At the summit's end he threatened to go with the nuclear option, showing he's tougher on Republicans than he is on Iran.
Argus Hamilton
The Mars Rover sent back stunning photos [last week] indicating the past presence of water. The pictures show tiny splotches of blue on the Red Planet. The other theory is that the satellite dish on the rover accidentally picked up CNN's election coverage.
Argus Hamilton
Ohio went on alert Tuesday when a train with hazardous chemicals ran wild through the state. A brave engineer leaped aboard and brought the runaway train under control. Sounds like we've found our next FBI Director.
Argus Hamilton