Quote

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

Anthony Jeselnik

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Distant
Interested
Second
Stand
Acting
Future

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Image
The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
Anthony Jeselnik