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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Second
Stand
Acting
Future
Distant
Interested

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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
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I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
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My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
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I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.
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I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
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I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'
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I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.
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I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.
Anthony Jeselnik