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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Second
Stand
Acting
Future
Distant
Interested

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
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My first time on stage was the class graduation at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.
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Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
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I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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I had a happy childhood in a nice suburban area, pretty idyllic, upper middle class and very, very white. My dad is an attorney. My mother is a housewife. They had five kids in seven years: me, my brother, and three sisters. I'm the oldest. We were all very active. My mother was exhausted.
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I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
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I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
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I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
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