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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Turkeys
Year
Hospital
Faces
Volunteer
Littles
Units
Little
Thanksgiving
Looks
Hospitals
Children
Burn
Frying
Every
Unit
Years
Deep
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
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I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
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You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
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If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
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On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
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I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
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My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
Anthony Jeselnik
