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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Faces
Hospital
Littles
Volunteer
Little
Units
Looks
Thanksgiving
Children
Hospitals
Every
Burn
Frying
Years
Deep
Unit
Year
Turkeys
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
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When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
Anthony Jeselnik
