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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Year
Turkeys
Faces
Hospital
Littles
Volunteer
Little
Units
Looks
Thanksgiving
Children
Hospitals
Every
Burn
Frying
Years
Deep
Unit
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My first time on stage was the class graduation at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
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Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
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God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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Everyone has the same kind of fears everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.
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I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.
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Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
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