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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Looks
Thanksgiving
Children
Hospitals
Every
Burn
Frying
Years
Deep
Unit
Year
Turkeys
Faces
Hospital
Littles
Volunteer
Little
Units
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere hah.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
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I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.
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Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
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I tell very mean jokes.
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
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Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik
