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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Year
Turkeys
Faces
Hospital
Littles
Volunteer
Little
Units
Looks
Thanksgiving
Children
Hospitals
Every
Burn
Frying
Years
Deep
Unit
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I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
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It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
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2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.
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My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
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Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.
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