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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Draws
Instead
Growing
Taken
Family
Wish
Everything
Draw
Always
Pictures

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
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I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
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I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
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Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.
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My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.
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I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
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Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
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I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
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Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.
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When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
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I’m not a religious person I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'
Anthony Jeselnik