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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Members
Memories
Repeating
Audience
Offended
Anything
Member
Comedian
Literally
Memory
Worse

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
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My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
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Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
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Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
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It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.
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Everyone has the same kind of fears everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.
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A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
Anthony Jeselnik