Quote

Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Asks
Wrong
Sunday
Lying
Calls
Church
Dad
Every
Sorry
Number
Numbers
Went

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
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My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
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Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
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What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.
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Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
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My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
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God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.
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My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
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I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.
Anthony Jeselnik
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
Anthony Jeselnik