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Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Number
Numbers
Went
Asks
Wrong
Sunday
Lying
Calls
Church
Dad
Every
Sorry
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
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I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
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God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.
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Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
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I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
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My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
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Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.
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I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
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I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.
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I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
Anthony Jeselnik
