Quote

I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

Anthony Jeselnik

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Always
Things
Like
People
Forbidden
Fascinated
Talk
Death
Didn

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Image
I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I had a happy childhood in a nice suburban area, pretty idyllic, upper middle class and very, very white. My dad is an attorney. My mother is a housewife. They had five kids in seven years: me, my brother, and three sisters. I'm the oldest. We were all very active. My mother was exhausted.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Im not the voice of reason Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
Anthony Jeselnik