Quote

Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.

Anthony Jeselnik

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Playing
Sure
Roulette
Remember
Uncle
Great
Uncles
Russian
Killed
Choose
Player

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Image
Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
My first time on stage was the class graduation at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
Anthony Jeselnik
Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
Anthony Jeselnik