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The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Actually
True
Gullibility
Centuries
Christmas
Meaning
Century

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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
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If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
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I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
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My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
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I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
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Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
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I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.
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My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
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God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
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Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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