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The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Gullibility
Centuries
Christmas
Meaning
Century
Actually
True

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
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I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
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I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.
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I’m not a religious person I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
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Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
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My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.
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Im not the voice of reason Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
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I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
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I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
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I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
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I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik