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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Wrestler
Arrogant
Professional
Almost
Guy
Mean
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More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'
Anthony Jeselnik
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I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
Anthony Jeselnik
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
Anthony Jeselnik
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When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.
Anthony Jeselnik
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In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, Just kidding. I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
Anthony Jeselnik
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
Anthony Jeselnik