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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Someone
Really
Always
Passes
Tough
Close
Difficult
Away
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
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My first time on stage was the class graduation at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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Everyone has the same kind of fears everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.
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I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.
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Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
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My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
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Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony Jeselnik
