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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Easy
Really
Make
People
Retarded
Explain
Fun
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
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I tell very mean jokes.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.
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On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
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I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
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I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
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I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.
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Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
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Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
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I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
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A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
Anthony Jeselnik