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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Fans
Hines
Player
Greg
Sports
Lloyd
Dies
Ward
Hard
Sport
Players
Favorite
Football
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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Im not the voice of reason Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
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On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
Anthony Jeselnik
I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
Anthony Jeselnik
I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
Anthony Jeselnik
God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
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Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
Anthony Jeselnik
In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, Just kidding. I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.
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