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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Cry
Inspired
Laugh
Subjects
Laughing
Making
Make
People

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
Anthony Jeselnik
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
Anthony Jeselnik
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If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
Anthony Jeselnik
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere hah.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik
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It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'
Anthony Jeselnik
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
Anthony Jeselnik