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I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Elses
Enjoyed
Voice
Someone
Writing
Good

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
Anthony Jeselnik
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There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
Anthony Jeselnik
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2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.
Anthony Jeselnik
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
Anthony Jeselnik
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
Anthony Jeselnik
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I had a happy childhood in a nice suburban area, pretty idyllic, upper middle class and very, very white. My dad is an attorney. My mother is a housewife. They had five kids in seven years: me, my brother, and three sisters. I'm the oldest. We were all very active. My mother was exhausted.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little faces.
Anthony Jeselnik