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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Written
Guy
Voice
Sarah
Past
Jimmy
Different
Joke
Really
Priorities
People
Upset
Jokes

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
Anthony Jeselnik
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.
Anthony Jeselnik
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When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.
Anthony Jeselnik