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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Idea
Sense
Ideas
Dramatic
Thing
Weird
Men
Humor
Like
Playing
Guy
Funny

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
Anthony Jeselnik
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When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
Anthony Jeselnik
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I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere hah.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I tell very mean jokes.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Im not the voice of reason Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
Anthony Jeselnik
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A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
Anthony Jeselnik
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
Anthony Jeselnik