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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Idea
Sense
Ideas
Dramatic
Thing
Weird
Men
Humor
Like
Playing
Guy
Funny

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
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My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.
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I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.
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I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
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Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
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When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
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I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
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Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
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Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
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Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
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On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.
Anthony Jeselnik