Quote

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it that's my job.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Business
Nothing
Something
Make
Think
Joke
Thinking
Jokes
People
Limits
Jobs

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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Im not the voice of reason Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.
Anthony Jeselnik
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.
Anthony Jeselnik
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In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.
Anthony Jeselnik
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If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
Anthony Jeselnik
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2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
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You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.
Anthony Jeselnik
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In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, Just kidding. I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
Anthony Jeselnik
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A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
Anthony Jeselnik
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Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
Anthony Jeselnik