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I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
People
Surprising
Silly
Weird
Humor
Dark
Good
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More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
Anthony Jeselnik
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
Anthony Jeselnik
I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.
Anthony Jeselnik
Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
Anthony Jeselnik
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
Anthony Jeselnik
I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
Anthony Jeselnik
When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
Anthony Jeselnik
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
Anthony Jeselnik
I tell very mean jokes.
Anthony Jeselnik
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
Anthony Jeselnik
What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.
Anthony Jeselnik
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
Anthony Jeselnik
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.
Anthony Jeselnik
I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
Anthony Jeselnik
I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?
Anthony Jeselnik
I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik
I’m not a religious person I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
Anthony Jeselnik
I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.
Anthony Jeselnik
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Anthony Jeselnik
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony Jeselnik
