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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Faces
Immediately
Funny
Glasses
Every
Comic
Humor
Hair
Went
Mitch
Knew
Phase
Face
Phases

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
Anthony Jeselnik
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
Anthony Jeselnik
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On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke he couldnt upset people, really.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
Anthony Jeselnik
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When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.
Anthony Jeselnik
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony Jeselnik
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You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though.
Anthony Jeselnik
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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
Anthony Jeselnik
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
Anthony Jeselnik