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I’m not a religious person I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Stories
Atheist
Persons
Behinds
Person
Behind
Good
Humor
Would
Call
Religious
Story
Funny
Reasonable

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.
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I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
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I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
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I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
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My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
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Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
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When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.
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I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.
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I tell very mean jokes.
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I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
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I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
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I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.
Anthony Jeselnik
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I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
Anthony Jeselnik
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My first time on stage was the class graduation at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.
Anthony Jeselnik