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I’m not a religious person I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Person
Behind
Good
Humor
Would
Call
Religious
Story
Funny
Reasonable
Stories
Atheist
Persons
Behinds

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
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My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
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I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.
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A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
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I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.
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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
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My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
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I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.
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I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
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Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.
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When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.
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I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
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I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
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